friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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