At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
