so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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