mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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