you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
