At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
