would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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