yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
