I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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