my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
