woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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