My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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