there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
