i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
