By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
