I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
