I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
