I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm like, not good at living.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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