K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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