it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
