Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
