i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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