I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
