No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
