i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
