One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
