I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
