Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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