It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
