biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
