I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
