Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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