I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
