just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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