i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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