Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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