Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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