I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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