i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
