last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
