your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
