she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
