so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
