does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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