with your own penis?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
