the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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