This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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