I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
