I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
