Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
