There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
